Monday, June 28, 2010

But shouldn't have I?

*Maybe I shouldn't have. 
But that last cupcake just looked so good sitting on that shiny gold platter basking in the kitchen light and so what if my stomach is now bursting at the seams? 


*Maybe I shouldn't have. 
But those shoes were just sooo cute and on sale 30% off and who cares that they were still $67 and that I now have overdraft charges on my checking account... right? 








*Maybe I shouldn't have. 
It seemed so harmless at first... And then I would have missed out on all the fun everyone else was having. 



*Maybe I really should'nt have. 
But sometimes I just get so angry and you know how to push all my buttons... 


*Well, Maybe I shouldn't have. 
But you were just sooo cute and the color in your eyes made me melt like butter.
*But maybe I shouldn't have.
And suddenly, falling in love wasn't quite so avoidable.


*Maybe I really shouldn't have...


Because now I'm left with a thousand broken memories of what used to be and ohhh how the times change too quick.


Could it all have been avoided? Is a shattered heart better than not having any heart? Does heartache feel better than not feeling anything at all? 


Answer: ......




***So maybe I really shouldn't have. 



Saturday, June 26, 2010

Goodnight Wishes

And when the night escapes me, and time withers in my hand, it helps to know someone's out there, somewhere. The comfort of a sleeping world, tucked safely in their beds, has never been so real to me. And now the moon lays raw against my skin and I've lost all sense of myself again. Who am I in this midnight quiet? Nothing but a lonely dreamer drowning in a sea of reality.


And the trees echo back as I whisper goodnight to the moon-


Sweet dreams, my love.



Thursday, June 24, 2010

Night Scribling

Isn't it funny how nothing seems to change as you go through the motions of your everyday life, but when you look back, everything is different? 


Nothing stays the same for long (or maybe not long enough). If I have learned one thing in my short time in this world, it is this. Oh, and that people make you who you are. Even if you don't realize it at the time. Or even ever. 


Some may argue that you are the only one who can dictate who you will become. I choose to disagree. The experiences you create with those you surround yourself with are truely what makes you into... well, you. And that is something worth consideration.


So chose your loved ones carefully, knowing ahead of time that you will find yourself within these relationships. Settle into a rhythm of life, soaking up every experience as you mold your heart into it's own beating pattern. And be thankful for them too. You could not be yourseld without them. 


But also know that change is enevitable. People may come and go, but in truth, you will always have the part of them that made you who you are today. And that's where I find comfort: Knowing that every memory can be held deep in the quiet of my heart as I shape my life into who I'm meant to be. 

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Survival of the Fittest

Time has come full circle. 

I never imagined I would be who I am. This is neither good nor bad. I am not boastful of my short comings; I am not conceited in my acomplishments. I am simply content to be at this place and time, still (for the most part) in tact. 

I have always been excited for the future. I learned quickly how often the vast unkown can welcome beauty into the coldest of hearts. Now I wander and roam through this unmeasureable limbo called youth as time forges onward. It seems as if the exploration of minds has become my second nature. I guess you could call it a personality trait. 

But what happens when fear comes knocking?

August 2009. Petrified. Standing with a heart of stone- no one to turn to, nowhere to run. I quickly learned that time does not stop for hitch-hikers. It only accelorates at the face of fear. And though I'm hesitant to admit it, these road blocks are worth the present troubles. Sometimes the lessons learned on detours are what carry you through the rough pactches on the beaten trail. 

**And the memories made along the way are often worth the heartache.  

So just let it be. Let time persevere. Let life move you on with racing color. Let the wind rush past your aching soul. Learn to laugh at change. Hold your head high as your heart breaks. Accept bruises with an open heart. And know that oneday, it will all be Eh-OK(:

Because in case you haven't noticed, 
     out there- 

          
               It's survival of the fittest.


Disney Legend

I woke up this morning to the buzzing sound of the living room television wafting through the air. As I slinked out of bed, my cold feet hitting the itchy, stained, carpet floor, Hannah Montana continued to belt out unreachable notes at the top of her lungs. What a way to start the day.

Pardon my negativity, but I do feel rather strongly when it comes to subjects concerning pop culture. Not even accounting for the fact that she cannot carry a tune in a bucket, you could certainly say that Miley Cyrus is not my favorite person (and that's putting it nicely). I almost feel sorry for girls in situations similar to her own- being forced to grow up too fast by a society that practically breeds immoral values. It must be almost immpossible to resist succumbing to the ways of this seemingly flawless world. It preys on the naive, innocent souls of the young women who oggle over it's sugar-coated lies. And that is why I take pity on these girls. They think they've got life all figured out- while the rest of us stand on the sidelines, shaking our bowed heads in silence.

As I crunched my frosted flakes, watching Hannah Montana dance her flirty self through a seemingly perfect life, one word entered my mind: HYPOCRITE. These "role models" parades along, acting as if they are wholesome, virtuous "just like you" kids, while I stare at their scantily dressed bodies plastered across hundreds of tabloids
sold in grocery stores across the nation.

This led me to a profound question: What would Walt Disney think if he were still around to witness all that his company has become? Would he be proud of the Disney empire that he built from the ground with his very hands? Would he applaud his successors for their efforts in promoting the principals and values he founded his enterprise on so many years ago? Hmmmm....

I do not mean to particularly pick on Miley Cyrus. She has shaped the music industry in a way never done before, and has gained much popularity in doing so. And for that, I must give her credit. In fact, this principal can be applied to almost an situation. It raises an uncomfortable topic of discussion: Would your successors be proud of all you have become? These thoughts are probably better left for you to ponder as you slurp the last drops of milk out of the bottom of your cereal bowls.

Midnight Writer

Have you ever stopped to realize how quiet Midnight is? Listen.


Nothing much has changed about this space in time. It ticks past every night... not too slow, not too fast.
*And at last, vivid imagery seems to be the case, so here goes nothing.

If not for faulty ice machines, the silence of my Midnight house would go uninterupted. You can almost feel the frozen chunks clunking into the freezer's plastic reciprocal, somehow not waking a single soul. The hummm of our air conditioner circulates tiny particles of loosely fitted space as the shadows of dainty ceiling fans dance along the moving walls. Glowing light bounces through every foggy mirror as our computer recuperates from an exhausting day of human interaction. Time is standing still. And these moments seem all too similar as I listen to my house preapare for the early dawn.


You see, Midnight is a funny time. All the hours feel the same during this odd space between night and day. Time meshes and moments run together- That's why memories are so easily forgotten. Please don't let it drive you mad.

Sometimes it makes me feel as if I am a part of something special, something secret- Some ritual of sacred beauty that has been passed down through generations of Midnight Writers not unlike myself. I'm almost giddy with excitement.

I have found a certain pleasure comes from writing during this funny time, knowing I can accomplish *anything* while others lay semi-unconscious in their nicely folded sheets. As I toil away into the dark, molding my precious knack for the fine art of night writing, I seem to find myself. And I wonder,"why now?" as my eyes are slowly opened. It is almost better to call it soul searching- something I also find much better to do deep in the night.

I let the minutes tick by, I let my brain reassemble.



Find comfort knowing I am here, writing lonely as the dark hours pass on-
And may all Midnight Writers everywhere prosper until the morning dawn...